Romanticizing Your Life Can Be a Legit FORM OF MINDFULNESS
@nataliachamova
If you’ve been a habitual TikTok scroller since May 2020, you’ve likely come across one of the 71,000 videos soundtracked to user Ashley Ward’s part inspirational, part instructional call-to-action: “You have to start romanticizing your life,” a voice says, as the camera hovers over a group of friends on a beach before slowly zooming in on Ward as she lies down on a towel. “You have to start thinking of yourself as the main character. Because if you don’t, life will continue to pass you by. And all the little things that make it so beautiful will continue to go unnoticed.”
The main-character-esquel sentiment that “life moves pretty fast, and if you don’t stop and look around once in a while you could miss it” isn’t new—it’s a quote from the literal main character of the 1986 teen comedy Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. It is, essentially, a form of mindfulness, which has roots in Buddhist practices. It also sounds a lot like the present aspect of the Danish tradition of hygge, and the positive psychology concept of savoring. But the #romanticizeyourlife TikTok trend, originally sparked by Ward’s video, is still striking a chord more than two years and 782 million views later for a reason. Zooming in on the details of your life has the potential to increase gratitude and joy, Rachel Hoffman, Ph.D., LCSW, a chief clinical officer at mental health startup Real, tells HONI.
Videos hashtagged #romanticizeyourlife on TikTok run the gamut content-wise, but three subgenres have emerged. You’ll find plenty of sleek influencer-y edits full of beautiful places and things. There’s also a strong cottage-core contingent (a TikTok rabbit hole in itself), in which people perform an idealized English-countryside way of romanticizing their lives, replete with antique tea sets, lace collar dresses, and all-floral everything.
But the most popular videos feature people sharing those “little things” Ward spoke of in her viral clip, which cost little or no money. The simple luxury of having houseplants, grating your own cheese, and listening to Sade, for example. Getting caught in the rain and laughing about it. Cutting your strawberries into heart shapes. These small, hyper-specific experiences are the reason Hoffman and other mental health experts can get on board with the trend. If you’re curious about romanticizing your own life—whether you post about it on social media or not—read on for some of the potential benefits.
‘Romanticizing your life’ is a form of mindfulness.
“When people think of mindfulness, they often mistake it for clearing your thoughts and doing nothing,” Alyssa Mancao, LCSW, tells HONI. “But it’s really about being aware of what’s happening around you without attaching any judgment to it and accepting things as they are. It can be as simple as paying full attention to what you see and hear.” Research has suggested that mindfulness can reduce symptoms of anxiety, depression, and general irritability, she adds.
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Staying fully present isn’t always easy, though, when you live in a go-go-go society that can make reading alone in a park with your notifications muted feel like a rebellious or even guilt-inducing act. “We’re often so focused on doing the next thing that we’re not truly noticing what’s happening in front of us,” Mancao says. “We’re constantly doing multiple things at once, so it can be really helpful for people to practice slowing down and doing one thing at a time, with awareness.”
Being present and appreciating what’s right in front of you can be a powerful act and doesn’t have to take much time out of your day. “The #romanticizeyourlife TikToks I love most are the ones where people post, ‘I have 10 minutes in the morning and I use it to read’ or ‘I take a few minutes out of my day to journal’—small, attainable things,” Hoffman says.
It can also reaffirm what you already love to do—and help you enjoy those things more.
When the romanticize your life trend took off early in the pandemic, many of us were isolated from our larger communities, and activities that had previously shaped our sense of self vanished overnight. A lot of people sought ways to give our suddenly restricted daily lives meaning, whether that was baking sourdough bread, whipping up dalgona coffee, or tie-dying…everything.
And even though the most intense days of isolation have passed, Hoffman says many of us are still getting reacquainted with ourselves and trying to connect with what brings us joy, which is where focusing on simple pleasures comes in. “There’s still so much going on in this ‘post-COVID world,’ and romanticizing your life is about trying to find those small moments where you can feel good and take care of yourself,” Hoffman says.
When looking for ways to do that, Hoffman recommends starting by asking yourself, What do I already do in my daily life that I can turn into a mindfulness practice? “As a therapist, I can tell you that convincing someone to add another thing to their to-do list is tough,” she says. “But if you’re someone who naturally takes a walk, for example, you can turn your phone off or maybe listen to something that really calms you down. Or if you’re someone who takes long showers, you can think about how the hot water feels against your skin.”
It might help you find the magic in mundane moments.
In a September 2022 video, TikToker @liebmaple managed to romanticize something most city-dwellers don’t just take for granted, but actively grumble about: commuting on mass transit.
“As a kid, I always dreamed of taking the train every day to work or school because that wasn’t a thing where I grew up,” she says over a video of herself reading while listening to music on a train. “It’s such a simple thing, taking the train, but I’m insanely grateful.”
Unable to muster appreciation for your packed rush-hour train trip? We get it. Romanticizing your life as a gratitude exercise is about finding your thing, or things, and cultivating a practice around them. That could be as small as buying a pack of your favorite ballpoint pens and luxuriating in how the ink glides across the page as you write in your journal every morning.
In other words, the ultimate goal of romanticizing your life, according to Hoffman and Mancao, should be finding your own ways to stay present, ones that are authentic to you—not the life of another TikToker who is luxuriating in an Italian villa or “noticing” how good it feels to apply their $300 skin care routine. “We can fall into a comparison trap if we look at somebody else’s romanticization of their life,” Mancao says. Instead, “Look at these videos as inspirations, not as rigid guidelines.” Better yet, look around for inspo in your own life. After all, you’re the main character in that romance.
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